Friday, July 22, 2016

Get a Job, Hippie

Another hard thing to come up with for your characters are jobs. The written world is full of doctors, lawyers, and teachers. Janitors, plumbers, and builders are always the one to offer words of wisdom. Authors tend to enjoy writing about authors. And don't even mention retail work or food service. It's all been seen and done a million times, but there've got to be more options.

Problem is, it's hard to find them. But don't worry, I've gone ahead and done that for you. Below are 45 jobs you might not think of or may have never heard of, but I assure you, they're real. Whether they pay well or not, well, that's a question for another day.

Do you know of a weird, unusual, or wacky job? Leave it in the comments!

JobJob Description
AcupuncturistInserts needles into everything but veins
Airline Gate AgentLast call for boarding [your flight and you're halfway across the airport sucks to be you, pal]
Arcade Machine RepairPlus side, you get to play it when you're done fixing it. To "Test it."
Art SelectorPicks out art for walls at places like hospitals.
Auction BuyerGoes to auctions in the name of big-name buyers so others won't be tipped off to items of value
Backstage SupportHelps stage actors with quick costume changes, prepares props, etc
BailiffAll rise
Bird of Prey TrainerFalcons, owls, hawks, eagles: these are your coworkers
City CouncilmanLike a congressman, but at city level
Clinical Research CoordinatorCoordinates, organizes for, and recruits for medical research
Coffin Handle InstallerThere's a job just for installing coffin handles. Who knew?
Convention/Concert OrganizerSomeone has to arrange the shows, schedules, panels, etc. This is them.
Court ReporterRecords all statements during court
Cover ArtistDesigns book covers
DocentGuides at museums, zoos, etc
Dog Food TasterYes, this is a job for humans.
Ethical HackerTry to hack into systems that shouldn't be hacked or broken
Fortune Cookie WriterYou will be paid to write one-sentence blurbs.
Golf Ball DiverSomeone has to go into the water traps. Those balls cost money.
Google Streetview DriverWe see 'em rollin', we hatin' try to do something stupid to immortalize ourselves
HerbalistWhy use Advil when you could have St John's Wart?
Hospice CaregiverWhether at thier home or a facility, these people make their patients' last days comfortable.
Jelly Bean Flavor MakerSomeone had to figure out how to make those grass jellybeans taste that way.
Jingle WriterThat song during that commercial you hate? Someone wrote that.
Karaoke Cab DriverIt's a cab, with karaoke, and you're behind the wheel.
Landscape ArchitectMakes your yard worthy of a magazine, if you can afford it.
Museum CuratorManages and oversees the collections of a museum
Mystery ShopperDetermine how well a business's employees are performing, secretly.
Celebrity Obituary WriterNewspapers have obituaries ready for more people than you'd suspect.
OrthoepistStudies the correct pronunciation of words
Party CostumerDresses up like cartoon characters or movie characters for children's birthdays
Patent LawyerDetermines legality of patents
Pet PsychologistWhat's eating Fluffy?
PhlebotomistInserts needles into what the Acupuncturist doesn't
Physical Penetration TesterTry to steal things from places that shouldn't have things stolen from (hospitals, labs, etc)
Political CartoonistMaking fun of the news, one politician at a time.
Professional [Thing] TesterThink of an object. There's someone to test it. Mattresses, toys, water slides, anything.
Professional Cosplayer / Booth BabeCosplays for a living, either personally or for a specific company
Professional QueuerDon't want to wait in line for the new big thing? Pay someone else to do it.
Prop Purchaser/BuilderBuys/Builds props for TV shows & movies
Radio Phone Operator"101.5 ROCK. You're caller 7. Try again." (also handles guest callers during downtime)
Search Engine OptimizerDetermines how accurate search engine results are
Snake MilkerCollect venom for the creation of antivenom
Social Media ManagerHandles famous person's social media accounts or presense
Stunt ActorTaking the hits so the pretty faces don't have to.


  1. Just the title alone, "Get a job, hippie," is hilarious. Now I NEED to see these job suggestions....!

  2. My favorite has to be "snake milker" enough said